Twobit In Wonderland
by Alycesaundra Mathews
Summary: After Twobit gets drunk, high, and jumped by a soc he falls into a rabbithole. He lands in a mysterious place named "Wonderland", home to insane creatures such as "Dally The Smoking Catterpiller". Then Along comes Alice the only other "normal" person around. They both need to find a way out. What The Mickey Are They Going To Do? No Haters.
1. Down The Pot Hole

**Chapter One**

** I guess I just couldn't help myself. Tonight I decided to head to Buck's for couple of beers. Little did I know that there'd be drugs. I mean come on, how can you say no to pot! It's a rarity in Tulsa. You gotta' drive miles outta' town to get it. Or you can knick it off of some socs if you're lucky enough. **

** Whatever, Back to the story. Anyways Tonight I decided to head to Buck's for a couple of drinks and maybe a few girls. When I got inside I walked over to my usual spot I saw a couple of stoners and I decided to join 'em. I mean a few joints wouldn't kill me. **

** After I'd smoked about 3 joints and had couple of beers I decided I'd have a little fun tonight. I grabbed the keys to Buck's Thunderbird and drove over to the West side of Tulsa. I drove randomly looking for some socs to jump. It wasn't that long till I saw that dumbass, David. **

** I quickly parked the truck in the shadows and crept up behind David with my switchblade at hand. He didn't look that built so it'd be pretty easy to tackle him. I quickly closed the space in between us and tackled himto the ground, catching him when he was most off-guard.**

** I managed to get a few punches in before he pushed me off him. He started kicking me in the stomach repeatedly. **

** "Is that the you got David? Huh? Kicking is for broads," I taunted slurring my words.**

** "Really, is that so? Well sorry that I didn't get the memo. Here how's this?" He replied.**

** He punched me in the face as hard as he could. I heard police sirens in the distance. Startled he jumped off of me and ran. When he was gone I stood up and staggered down the sidewalk, trying to get back to Buck's. That was when I saw a little white rabbit that looked kinda' like Johnny. For some reason I started chasing him. Suddenly next thing I knew I falling down some sort of black hole. I was hit with a sudden feeling of nausea and my head started pounding.**

** I must be beaten up pretty bad and super high because next thing you know mini Mickey Mouses are dancing around me. There must thousands of them at least. **

** They were all jumping on beds and doing double dutch while smoking weed. God I'm so totally fucked up. I mean come on who else sees Mickey Mouse doing weed while they're high? This is so fucking awesome! It would be even better if I didn't have such a fucking migraine but what ever it's worth it. When I finally stopped falling I was in some sort of room. That's when everything went black.**


	2. The Pool Of Beers

**Chapter 2**

** When I woke up I was in the same room as I was last night. Only this time I was hungover and there was a large buffet table and a door. On the table there was an assortment of food and what looked like tequila and all of the good stuff. On everything there were tags that said "Eat Me" or "Drink Me".**

** "Damn. If there's one thing that helps a hangover, it's more drunk."**

** I quickly grabbed one of the coloured bottles and chugged it. The room started to shrink along with my clothes. By the time everything stopped shrinking my baggy jeans felt like ultra-skinny jeans and my shirt looked demented.**

** "Oh my Mickey! Everything is so fucking small! It's like I just walked into China!" I said in awe.**

** My stomach rumbled. **

** Fuck. When was the last time I had something to eat?**

** I grabbed one of the cakes off the huge table. I shoved the flimsy thing into my mouth.**

** That's when I noticed a familiar door. Though like everything else it was small as hell. **

** I bent down and tried to open the door. **

_**Rrrrip.**_

**_ "__Motherfucker!" I exclaimed as my pants started to rip. _**

**I tripped over the shredded remains of my jeans and fell backwards into the table. I knocked over the table causing all of the glass dishes and bottles to crash onto the floor. **

** When I'm about 2 inches high a wave of alcohol sweeps me off of my feet and pushs me towards the now normal sized door.**

** I try to open it but there's no doorknob. Though there is one of those retarded doorknockers that the socs always have on their doors with their names carved in fancy letters.**

** This one says "Wonderland" and surprise surprise has a fucking Mickey Mouse head. **

** "Fucking Christ. I am officially crazy," I said to myself as I turned around and started to walk back over to my pants.**

** "Nice panties Twoshit," I heard someone or should I say something say.**

** I jump up startled then turn around. Believe it or not nothing was there.**

** "Fucking crazy..." I trail off.**

** "Teehee."**

** "Now who's the crazy stalker?"**

** "Ouch. I may ****be clinically insane but I ain't a stalker."**

** "Am I crazy?"**

** "I don't know are you? I'm busy right now can I ignore you later?"**

** "And I thought you were suppose to be nice..."**

** "Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. Like I said before I'm busy doing nothing **

**right now piss off."**

** "Well Then Mr. Grumpy-Pants,"**

** "If you're gonna' be like that I guess I don't gotta' let you in."**

** "Just open up the goddamn door!"**

** "What are the magic words?"**

** "Well I dunno'. Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse?"**

** "Well the magic words are actually open sesame, but I guess because you're that annoying I'll let you in anyways."**

** "Just shut the hell up and let me in already."**

** "But I'm not sure if I want to."**

** I run up to the door and on a whim lick it.**

** "Still not opening."**

** I go to grab m switchblade but then I notice a flock of ducks. **

** "Imma' start to throw ducks at you!"**

** "Go ahead motherfucker."**

** I start launching baby ducklings at the fucked up door. **

** The door starts to splitting in half.**

** "Poor me."**

** "Poor ducks!"**

** I kick down the remainder of the door and pull down my boxers and start to shit on it.**

** "Hey! Holyshit! WHAT THE FUCK! WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT?!"**

** "The purple pixies told me too."**

** "The fuck you been doing?"**

** "Nothin'"**

** "We're late! We're Late! We're late for tea!" Someone who sounded like Johnny said.**

** I turned around. Johnny wasn't Johnny anymore. Instead Johnny looked like like the Easter Bunny. He started to run away.**

** "Huh? Johnny cakes! Wait up! Since when did yo like to drink tea?!"**

**A/N – Sorry I forgot to post this on the first chapter. I would like you all to know that this is a collab between me and my ****best-friend**** Mia (Candie Winston). This fanfic was made as an inside joke to some people we used to RP with so sorry if you don't understand some things in here. For example the purple pixies. Just ask us in a review or something if you'd like us to explain something in ****particular.**** Other then that, R&R!**

**Yours truly**

**Candie Winston and Alycesaundra Mathews**


	3. An INSANE Tea Party

A/N – We noticed that only two people reviewed and yet exactly 138 people read this fanfic. We don't get why people can't simply type a 4 word sentence or something as short as ":)" or ":(". Anyways Because We're having too much fun with the idea of this fanfic so we're going to continue anyways but chapters aren't going to be up as fast as they would be if there were more reviewers...

We're going to try to have one chapter up every other week, but given the fact both of us are in advanced placement classes and have band practice repeatedly every week we'll have to play it by ear...

Anyways,

Stay Gold

Alycesaundra & Candie

_**Chapter Three:**_

_**Twobit's P.O.V.**_

_"Johnny Cakes wait up! Since when do you like tea?". _I yelled out as he hopped away.

I ran as fast as I could, trying to catch up with him. Holy! And here I was thinking Ponyboy was the track athlete. When I finally caught up with Johnny, I was standing in front of a table that Tim, Ponyboy, Steve, Sodapop, a floating purple cat, some weird ass rabbit, and some blonde chick in a blue dress were seated at.

"Hey Tim! What cha' do? Jump a clown? Or better yet get into your mother's makeup again? Whatever. Either way, Tim my friend you have invented the term crazy!" I said with a snicker.

Tim jumped up, grabbed me by my jacket, punched me in the face then simply said,

"Who you calling crazy? I'm INSANE!"

Everyone started laughing hysterically except for the blonde chick.

I heard a branch snap behind me.

"Peek-A-Boo! I see you!" Someone screamed from behind me as they jumped onto my shoulders.

"What The Shit!" I yelled startled.

The perp started to giggle a giggle that could only belong to my favourite blonde.

"Kathy! What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," She shrugs. "Something?"

"Well where the fuck are we then?"

"Still don't know. Somewhere over the rainbow where the skies are blue and huge narwhals ride around on pink motorcycles carrying bricks and pot brownies while looking for some depressed teenager named Mia? What the fuck is this? Twenty questions?!"

"We're in Wonderland." announced Tim with a smile.

"You're right you are a wonder..." said Kathy.

I start to grin ear to ear.

"Hey! That's my thing!" shrieks the purple cat who attempted to glare at me but it's grin kinda' screwed it up.

"YOU'RE ALL MAD!" I yelled.

"No shit Sherlock! Where do you think he gets the name from?" The stupid purple cat said.

"What do you mean? His name is Tim," I said slowly.

"I believe you're greatly mistaken. My name is Hatter. As in The Mad Hatter, T-H-E M-A-D H-A-T-T-E-R. I have no idea who this "Tim" fellow is. He does have an odd name though. I've never heard of someone with a name like that. He must be a friend of Alice's. Alice? Have you ever heard of someone with a name like "Tim"?" The person claiming to be some sort of hatter stated in a matter-of-factly tone.

"No. Not that I can recall. Though perhaps Asylum would know who he is. We could go see him now if you would like – er. What's your name again?" the blonde said in a quiet but confident voice with a look in her eye that seemed all too familiar. It was definatly simliar to something I'd seen before.

"If only I knew what that something was," I muttered to myself.

She started to tap her in an annoyed manner.

"Oh! My name is Twobit," I replied quickly.

"Well then, _Twobit..." _The blonde trailed off.

I'll admit it I was kinda' ignoring her. Then again you'd be too if you saw a big fucking blue catterpiller smoking from a hooka on a mushroom. Oh and did I fail to mention the fact that it looked like Dallas Motherfucking Winston!?

A/N – How do you like it so far? Our favorite socs may show up in the next few chapters. Who do you think they'll be? And how do you think they're in Wonderland? Remember to R&R!


	4. Advice from a Crackapillar

Chapter 4

Alice's P.O.V. -

That arrogant, good-for-nothing newcomer! 'Perhaps Alice would like to take him'. Fucking Hatter! It was as if he was trying to make her and the dumb-ass speak! God! I hated Two-Shit with a passion and I'd barley spoken to the dick.

"_This ought to be a fun relationship," _I muttered in a tone quiet enough that _HE _wouldn't hear.

"Asylum?" I called out, glad to have something to think about besides Twobit.

"What the shit do you want mofo?"

"Well I was hoping you'd be nice enough -"

"Wait hold it there Goldilocks! I'm NEVER Nice!"

"Shut up okay? I was hoping you'd have heard from some boy named Tim? Maybe he passed though here?"

"Tim? Aw yeah! I know him! He came through here just a few moments ago, asking for some ass-fucking. I told him I do a lot of shit, but I don't do THAT shit."

"Hardy Har Har. You are a riot," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

I pinned him to the mushroom, with the switchblade that I'd concealed in my boot at his neck.

"Shut up you fucking pansy-ass! I'll kill you if you don't tell us what you know!" I growled seething with anger.

_Damn. Perhaps having Two-Shit around may actually help. I mean if I'm angry enough to stand up to Asylum, perhaps I may be able to behead the bloody head or even quite possibly the mad one... _

"Fiery, huh? Just the way I like them!" He said grinning manically.

"Did I mention that I actually do like the taste of grilled caterpillar? It tastes AMAZING with afternoon tea and a side of momrathes," I said threateningly while lightly dragging my knife along his stomach.

"Please! I'll tell you anything!"

"Alright where's Tim?"

"I don't know! Just please don't hurt me!"

"Shut the front door you pansy ass! Since when did you believe in God?"

"Um since the time the mouse had his first joint. I mean come on though everyone was praying to god to make him stop fucking jumping up and down and calling himself a chess piece. I mean that was some fucked up shit," Asylum said grinning.

I let him up and when he turned around I took my opportunity.

I grabbed his hooka and...

A/N – Duhn Duhn Dah! R&R What you think'll happen next :D


	5. Hookas, Harlots, & Fiesty Blondes

A/N – Sorry but I think I died in a hole ;) But I guess that isn't a good enough excuse for not updating... Anyways wanna' know something funny? I wrote this chapter in January on my Tablet anf then forgot the damn charger at my friend Mia's house and only got it back like 3 weeks ago XD So enjoy all the hardship I went through in the process of retrieving this super short chapter then copying it onto my laptop!

Oh and since I haven't done a disclaimer yet...

I DON'T OWN/ DIDN'T WRITE THE OUTSIDERS OR ALICE IN WONDERLAND. S.E. HINTON AND LEWIS CARROL DO! (Lucky Bitches XD)

Twobit's POV

The second Alice tried to kill the crackapillar with his hooka I decided to intervene since I knew deep-down that the second she killed him she'd regret it. Though the stupid thing was a douche and DID deserve to die. Well I guess I know what I'm doing tonight...

"THE HELL?!" The blonde screeched as I lifted her up, pinning her arms to her sides.

"Stop resisting Alice. Just calm the fuck down," I urged as she kicked me real hard in a place no man should EVER be kicked. I guess it's alright I mean I never really wanted children...

"WHY! The dick deserves to die! I've had enough of his shit! I mean NO ONE gets to call me "Godilocks". I mean DO I LOOK INNOCENT AND CHILDISH?"

"Believe me Honey, we all know you're not innocent anymore," The odd humanoid caterpillar said while raising his furry purple and blue eyebrows and grinning like a mad man, or well, _mad caterpillar._

"Okay! THAT DOES IT!" Alice yells as she fights against my grip.

I pull her closer to my chest and try my best to keep her there and not on top of the Not-Dally-Caterpillar.

"HEY BLONDIE! I love the whole she-bitch thing you got going on but could you just put it to rest for a little bit? If you kill him you'll regret it believe me!"

"And why do you care?"

"INCOMING!" Someone distant hollers.

Alice dives under the large mushroom that the hooka was on whereas I just stand there like an idiot, gawking at the huge, regal playing cards that ensue us on what look to be, demonic & possessed jet black horses, whom sport blood red tack to match their eyes.

"TWOSHIT MOVE!" Alice hisses at me frantically.

I don't move. I just stand there like a retard and quiver in my boots.

"FOR FUCKSAKES!" Alice says as she rolls out from under the mushroom to grab me but it is too late.

"Well, Well, Well. Who do we have here?" I hear a feminine voice behind me say.

I turn around and there she stands, the wicked bitch of the west herself, Sylvia.

"Miss Belladonna, we were just passing through. What a pleasure to see you here," Alice says nervously.

"Ah yes Miss Kingsly, what a pleasure. I see you have a new friend?"

"Yes his name is -"

"Twobit. Twobit Mathews," I finish for her.

"Well Mr. Mathews it's an honour to meet you. I'm Princess Belladonna Of The Harlots. I'm sure you've heard of my mother, Queen Iracebeth the Red?"

"Queen A-Racist-Bed The Red?" I say confused. I mean the people here have odd names...

"NO YOU INSOLENT FOOL! QUEEN IRACEBETH. Y'KNOW? IT'S PRONOUNCED Er-rass-a-beth."

"You'll have to excuse him Belladonna. He is from faraway. Right Twobit? From a place like Wonderland but different."

"Yes. Far away. I come from a place called Disneyland. Alice – I mean Ms. Kingsly, is right! It is much like Wonderland. Full of fucked up imaginative things and we to have a ruler. We are ruled by King Mickey Mouse. He is a kind and noble leader. He is very famous with children in my town," I say playing along with Alice. I don't know why I lied. Perhaps because I just have a feeling about Sylvia/Belladonna.

"Oh. Anyways Mr. Twobit, Miss Kingsly, I apologize for the sudden commotion. I believed your friend here was someone he was not. I swear my mother's old looking glass is awful. Nonetheless I must be off. Good bye Alice, Mr. Mathews," She winks at me as she says my name. No wonder she's the princess of the harlots!

"Disneyland really?!" A voice from the bushes calls out.

"Kathy! What are you doing out here?"

"You were taking forever so Tarrant, he's the one that looks like Tim, he sent me to find you."

"Thank you Kathy. We must be off now. I suspect the tea party to have begun and we all know how the White Rabbit is when we are late," Alice says.

And with that we enter the thick treeline and head to The Hatter's & The Hare's party.

_Oh god this should be interesting..._

A/N – Sorry for the slow and short update. I'll try to get something up this weekend.


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